Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
