His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
