I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
