So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize