Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize