I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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