you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize