You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
