I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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