You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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