her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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