we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize