Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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