The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
