smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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