Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
