Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
