you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
