So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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