Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
