A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
