Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
only you would photoshop your dick
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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