I love black thongs
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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