Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
