whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
