somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
