Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
