You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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