my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
