saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
