oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
