he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
