I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
