i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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