so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
