she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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