guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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