gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
