Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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