I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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