who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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