i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
