She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize