you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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