She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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