At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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