nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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