Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
