you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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