Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
