Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
