I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
