Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
