oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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