Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
4 words: hood of his car
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
