im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
