I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You're like the curious george of whores
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
