seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
