when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
