Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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