Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
