Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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