so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
