We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
