Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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