I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
