Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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