I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
