Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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