What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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