My Higher Power is John Stamos
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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