She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
