she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
