We won't sleep together?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
