And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
