dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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