Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
