I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize