I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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