pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
