i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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