Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
