it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
