he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
