Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
