I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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