Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
