and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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