Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
