No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
