Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
