Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
