Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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