I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
