I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We got so high we made milksteak
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
