I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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