thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
