You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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