Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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