both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
