i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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