i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
