Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
