I can tuck mytits in my pants
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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